Gotta grind through it

I am running awful this month. Real awful. It has made me play pretty awful in a few spots too. I'm not sure if I've ever run this bad in a month before. I didn't have a lot of time to play on Thurs, but I managed to get in a quick 13 games on FT and went 10-3 for a +$1,400 day. I really felt like I could feel the tide turning, but yesterday I got slapped in the face by a -2k day.

Poker can feel like a fucking cancer sometimes, I swear. I think this game could literally drive a person insane. I know it does to me sometimes. I know this is a game of high variance and small edges. I know that in the short term(which can be a lot longer in poker than people think) bad players can win and good players can lose. I know that one can be rewarded for making bad plays and punished for making good plays. These are not just things I know, but things I've known and understood for quite some time. However I'm not sure if I accept this all the time. If I truly accepted it I probably would not become angry and upset when the bad beats and set ups occur. I don't really mind the fact that I can get mega pissed when I play, I don't think I'd want to be an emotionless robot when playing, but when it starts infecting my game with bad play that's when I need to take a step back. I need to start taking breaks when I lose a few games in a row. I was getting pretty good about doing that for a while. Even if I don't bother getting up from the computer, just reading an aricle on MSN for 10 minutes or something usually makes a pretty big difference.

I've also become so used to having these +12k months I think that I got spoiled. There has only been 1 month in the last 7 that I didn't hit 12k. I think when it hit the halfway point of this month and I was still about even I knew I probably wouldn't make another 12k month. Once again though, I would not accept it. I think there were too many days this month when I kept playing after I was worn out or tired or just didn't really feel like playing. I kept playing because I was looking to score some of those days where I bank like 2k so I could get back on pace for my typical month. Those 2k days can't be forced though. You can't force the poker gods to be on your side. It will drive you mad if you try. Any time you make 2k in 30 games at 230/345 it's going to take a little running good to do that.

I haven't really decided if I'm going to play any poker this weekend. I might just take a day or two off and come back refreshed. There are still 9 days left in the month so maybe I can at least finish up a couple grand.

The difference between my #'s on Full Tilt and Stars this month are like night and day. I've done quite well on Stars....all my running bad has happened on FT. I'm down like 5k on FT but I'm up over 5k on stars.

Nov Profit - $640

2009 Profit(all that matters) - 112k


If I want to look at this optimistically, being up $640 in Nov after how bad I feel I've run/played isn't that bad. I'm still ahead $$$$$$, it's not like I'm -5k or some shit.

If at the beginning of 09 I had been told that on Nov 21, I'd be up 112k I would have happily taken it considering my 09 goal was 100k.

later

the soon to be running good bartchalker